Asheville is a city known for its super-progressive views. We have an official Reparations Commission (what that entails? Still sort of unknown…), a looming (apparently well-received) single-use plastic bag ban, and a host of businesses that sell things and label themselves as anti-capitalists. So, it’s no surprise that Ashevillians were up in arms this past 4th of July in the wake of the Supreme Court’s end-of-term clusterfuckery.
“Hey America, you want to tell me I don’t have the same rights as other non-queer Americans, but still expect me to celebrate your birthday?” one Asheville social-justice type I follow on Instagram wrote in their IG story.
“I will not be celebrating Independence Day until we have freedom for all,” a second wrote.
A third went a different route. “Happy We-Stole-the-Land-From-Indigenous-People-Day!” they posted, along with a stock photo of Native Americans I’m sure they definitely paid for.
I, a weak social justice warrior and a shallow person who prioritizes merriment over all, celebrated the 4th of July by waking up and going on a beautiful sunrise hike. I was planning on spending the rest of the day wearing a pair of American flag shorts, but then my brother told me they looked way too small (I’ve recently endured a growth spurt!), so I settled for red and blue stripes and my Jersey Shore “The Note” tank top (name something more quintessentially American!), and spent the day eating ribs before some light brewery hopping.
Asheville opened its first brewery last year owned by indigenous people—7 Clans—so I figured the person celebrating We-Stole-the-Land-From-Indigenous-People-Day would be celebrating there. Right? That night, lying in bed and decompressing on my phone before I slept, I went back on Instagram to see how peoples’ 4th celebrations went. Wouldn’t you know, Happy We-Stole-the-Land-From-Indigenous-People-Day was in downtown Asheville, amongst a crowd of patriots, uploading firework shot after firework shot to their Instagram stories. The other two IGers mentioned earlier? They were both at the same downtown fireworks display…
Let freedom ring, indeed.
Editor’s Note: The heading picture is indeed my Jersey Shore “The Note” tank top, as I think this document should be up there with the Constitution and Declaration of Independence as vital Americana all Americans should know by heart. If you’re unfamiliar with the content, it reads as follows,
Sam,
The first night at bed when you left, Ron made out with 2 girls and put his head between a cocktail waitress’s breasts. Also was grinding with multiple fat women.
When you left crying at klutch, Ron was holding hands and dancing with a female and took down her number.
Multiple people in the house know, therefore you should know the truth.
Klutch should also be designated a National Historic site.
AshevilleExplorer 