Asheville has always been more than a bit of a parody of itself, but part of the reason it doesn’t super bother me is that hipsters are largely harmless…and mostly poor. BUT!—there’s always a BUT!—there’s a new breed of hipster-adjacent hypocrisy invading Western North Carolina from fabled locales like New York and Los Angeles that not only have the insufferable opinions of the Asheville hipsters, but the funds and bank accounts to back their navel-gazing up. That’s scary to me. That could really affect change.
Example A: Sauna House Optimizing
I was at the Sauna House last Friday night (truly a great way to end the week!) and was blessed enough to hear the conversation between an LA transplant and a Miami transplant. Both agreed that in their goal to be global citizens, it would be best if AI optimized every aspect of their lives; both would be open to some kind of AI brain chip being implanted in their brains so they can “be productive and innovative.”
They also talked about an Elon Musk-produced “space elevator” I’m not smart enough to understand (though I’d also bet money that neither of them actually knew what they were talking about either).
Example B: Zadie’s Cafe…Somethinging
Here’s the thing: while Asheville is largely a parody, the outlying towns that give this region so much of its charm usually really aren’t. That, however might also be changing. Last Saturday, I spent a leisurely afternoon eating wings and drinking $3.00 Miller Hi Lifes at Zadie’s Cafe, and sat next to maybe the worst first date between two horrible people I’ve ever encountered.
He was a self-proclaimed cinematographer and a “play” enthusiast (not like plays you watch on stage, but playing; he said the phrase “sense of play” more than any human should during one conversation).
She was either a poet, wine journalist, trustafarian, or…all three.
Like the men at the Sauna House, both considered themselves “global citizens,” but even worse than those men, they also considered themselves “part-time Angelonos,” with “cottages in the area” (though the man seemed to know nothing about the area).
A running list of things they discussed, which might put “Overheard on Haywood Road” completely out of business:
- The merits of wine from Azerbaijan.
- Why wine tastes better “with community.”
- Wizards. That’s right. This man regularly consulted a…wizard.
- Incorporating more turmeric into their diets and “self-care regimens.”
- How Asheville needs its own Erowan (which, like…guys, it’s called Earthfare, and also…this probably will happen sooner than later).
- How 40’s in the new ’30s, which I was almost on board with until they started talking about “soul ages”)
- Joshua Tree home prices (AT LENGTH).
I don’t know what else to say except that I think Asheville, and unfortunately, per that last observation, WNC might’ve completely jumped the shark and possibly can’t bounce back.
AshevilleExplorer 