Hi, Neighbor!

For years my family, friends, and acquaintances have labeled me a bad driver, something I’ll always argue against. Did I just have to trade in a vehicle due to totaling it? Sure. Does the amount of money I’ve spent on speeding tickets reach into the thousands of dollars? Absolutely. However, I’ve never had an accident with another moving vehicle, and—this is my kicker—if I’m such a lousy driver, why do people continually drive with me? I am the driver among my group of friends. If a group of us is going out, there’s a 99% chance I’m driving. If we’re going on trips, there’s a 99% chance I’m the one driving. I even have a select group of friends who will surrender their vehicles to me on trips or nights out and stay comfortably in the passenger seat! Do I drive more than the average person? For someone who works from home, I think this is accurate. Anyway, I’ve been on this rant before, and am ranting to you readers now because I had no other course of action the last time I was accused of being a bad driver via…the anonymous note below. 

This morning, I left my apartment to run to my favorite coffee shop for a mid-morning work break. I noticed the note before turning my car on, which I’m happy about because it allowed me to get back out of the vehicle and survey the park job I did. Readers, it was not note-worthy. 

I’ll admit that I’ve pulled some pretty sloppy park jobs in my day, but I also think I’m an excellent parker. The park job in question was closer to the right side parking-spot line than I probably should’ve been, but it wasn’t across the line, and the car next to me (whom I assume was the culprit) was able to still get into the spot. Additionally, I live in an apartment complex with plentiful parking and was not parking particularly close to my building. Not only would’ve there been many other spots open but spots closer to the buildings. 

What did I learn through this exercise in passive aggression? Really, nothing. I’m guessing that the person who wrote this note was already having a shitty day, and my not-great-but-not-awful park job was that tiny thing that pushes them over the edge (and we’ve all been there, right?). I also feel comfortable hypothesizing that whoever wrote this note is the type of person who often bemoans the fact that “no one knows their neighbors anymore”—that just feels right. Regardless, it’s now hanging on my fridge amongst 2022 Christmas cards and 2023 save-the-dates. 

Editor’s Note: My friend Andrew rightfully pointed out the flawed logic in said note. Why would you call 1-800-I-Suck-At-Parking for parking lessons? It’s important to have friends who will validate you.

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