Questioning the Effectiveness of My COVID Vaccine…

I was lucky enough to get vaccinated two weeks ago. I got the Johnson and Johnson one-dose option. The shot didn’t hurt, but for two days afterward, I felt like I was recovering from a four-day bender.

Google says side effects mean the vaccine is working. I’m skeptical, though. Not because I’m an anti-vaxxer, but because I didn’t complete many of the steps I’ve been watching my more mindful peers take.

These include:

  • Taking a selfie with my “I got vaccinated” sticker where I either A) stare into the camera with a practiced intensity that lets viewers know I’m not messing around OR B) make a goofy face just to show everyone that even though I’m vaccinated, I’m still #QuirkyAF.
  • Writing a lengthy soliloquy where I go out of my way to let you know that I’m not doing this for me whatsoever. Instead, I’m making this sacrifice for the medical professionals, the teachers, the Uber Eats/postal workers/Amazon Prime employees I forced to visit my home 7-8 times a week in the depths of the shutdown, the elderly relatives on whose birthdays I also write lengthy soliloquies in which I somehow made their birthday about me, and those with underlying conditions who haven’t been vaccinated yet because they aren’t friends with a pharmacist.
  • Writing a lengthy soliloquy talking about how I was pretty much at death’s door because of the vaccine’s side effects, but that’s ok because we’re all in this together. I’d rather have two days of feeling worse than I ever have in my entire life so that I could be a savior for the medical professionals, teachers, frontline workers, elderly relatives, and those with underlying conditions who haven’t been vaccinated yet because they aren’t working a flexible schedule and thus can’t rearrange their workday around getting a vaccine and sticker.
  • Writing a lengthy soliloquy about how despite getting vaccinated, I’ll still practice social-distancing, wear my mask, and stay home, except, of course, for when I book a vacation to Cancun the second I’m considered saved (but obviously I’ll wear my mask and social distance…unless I have a few too many tequila shots at Senor Frogs and then make out with a stranger on the dancefloor, which is perfectly fine because I got the GD shot!).

And we haven’t even gotten into the fact that I primarily got the shot for me! And I’m admitting that on the internet! I guess I’m just hoping this herd immunity thing works out, ya know?

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