Establishing Important Zoom Guidelines

Again, because I have no “exploring Asheville” content, I’m going to give you my unsolicited thoughts on Zoom etiquette, because overly lengthy virtual happy hours are now my leisure activity of choice. But, first? Some humble bragging!

I was listening to the radio this morning and part of the DJs’ manufactured banter included talk about how Zoom happy hours are no longer fun because no one does anything new anymore, and thus there is nothing new to talk about. I took solace in the fact that I must have very creative friends, because we haven’t run out of conversation topics yet. I once again find myself quoting the oft misaligned Betty Draper, “only boring people are bored.”

Back to my main point though. I feel like two major pieces of Zoom etiquette must be established as cannon:

  1. Music is outlawed: I understand that music gives this a “house party” atmosphere, but this means anyone with quickly declining hearing (Editor’s note: that’s me) can’t participate in the conversation. “But Pat! It’s boring with no music!” See Betty’s above quotation. This is akin to the type of people who insist on turning a television on at parties so everyone watches that and doesn’t socialize.
  2. Calls should be limited to 10 people: 5 of 6 is actually ideal, but I’ll accept 10. More than 10 people means you listen to the same 2 or 3 people monopolize the conversation, which is sort of how real life works if you think about it, only in real life the side conversation often saves you from having to listen to those monopolizers and Zoom has yet to master that.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk. I also have strong opinions on toilet paper hoarders, holier-than-thou COVID “activists,” and the only acceptable ketchup (HEINZ!) that maybe I’ll bless you with in the near future.

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