Overheard on Haywood Road, Part 9

I’m back with my latest version of Overheard on Haywood Road, Part 9 (I’m getting excited thinking about what’s going to be part 10—and don’t worry, I’ve been saving some doozies just for that), which is my recurring series that simultaneously celebrates and derides the hipster nonsense that so defines an Asheville existence (check out the original Oveheard on Haywood Road, if you’d like a larger explanation of its thesis—and click here to see all the other installments). 

The rules are fairly simple: each of these ten snippets is something I’ve overheard—sometimes with context, hopefully without—from a coffee shop, restaurant, bar, or brewery, located along West Asheville’s infamous Haywood Road. 

• “These fries are amazing—and they’re handpicked and handcut right here in Asheville!” Editor’s Note: The concept of a fry being lauded for being “handcut right in Asheville” truly made me L-O-L in real time. 
• “I’m like, AI’s greatest adversary.” Editor’s Note: Truly, she just looked like a girl named Lauren. 
• “A really good friend is a really good friend of someone on city council and can hook us up with front row tickets if we ask way ahead of time.”
• “The tarot doesn’t respect you or your man.” 
• “I can tell when coffee is from Nicaragua, and this is.” 
• “She’s from Pennsylvania or some other flyover state.” Editor’s Note: To quote fellow (albeit fictional) native Pennsylvanian, Kelly Kapoor, “Number one, how dare you?” B) Learn geography.
• “I feel like no one considers my truth.” 
• “I fucking hate people at the front of a line who ask questions.” Editor’s Note: 100% cosign. These people are the scourge of the planet. 
• “I’m so quirky. I love sitcoms.” 
• “He’s a ceramics artist and coach. He basically lives at the Lazy Diamond.”