These were collected between January and May of 2024.
As always, I will try and mostly fail, to give you these bon mots with as little context or commentary as possible. Here we go:
- “I learned about chai in Vietnam.” (I recently lobbied @Blinddateliveavl’s Cayla Clark—via Instagram comment, natch—to please do a riff on West Ashevillians who’ve had spiritual awakenings in Southeast Asia).
- “I love Target for their exquisite knitwear.” This was said with such earnest that I L-O-Led.
- “Guys being nice is an ick.” I’m sure this is the kind of woman who complains that she can’t find anyone decent to date.
- “He’s more flexible than fully gay, but NOT bi.”
- Sorry I’ve been ignoring you. I’ve just been like, busy and vibing.” This was also said with an earnestness that was both impressive and sociopathic.
- “OUR TAPS ARE DOWN, OK?!” This was shouted at me by a West Asheville bartender as I simply approached the bar, and said hello.
- “I’m buying a bagel for an unhoused person.” The woman who said this said it in such a self-satisfied tone that I’m happy to report neither the barista nor anyone in line around here reacted one way or the other. I’d bet money she took to social media to try and get some accolades.
- “At least I’m not a Taylor Swift fan.” This was a woman’s response when her coffee companion gently chided her for “driving 6 hours to see Jack Antonoff.” Do yourself a favor and Google “Taylor Swift + Jack Antonoff” if you don’t immediately see the irony in this.
The next interaction could probably be an entire blog post of its own, and it probably would be if it didn’t happen to occur at a Haywood Road coffee shop. The following quotes come from one-half of a first date. I’m breaking it up into two sections.
The first quote of this first section is what perked me up and made me grab my notebook for record-keeping purposes. She barely breathed between this succession of quotes, giving her date no room to do anything but nod furiously.
Editor’s Note: Other quotes were interspersed between the ones I recorded, but one can only write so fast.
- “I’m so whimsical sometimes.”
- “I love cats and jellyfish equally.”
- “Jellyfish are so whimsical and smart.”
- “Did you see My Jellyfish Teacher?”
- “I’m an extroverted introvert with needs.”
- “I love blackjack. I’m great at board games.”
- “I wouldn’t say I’m an asshole, I just think people don’t get my neurodiversity.
She then took a beat and a breath to let her date answer one or more of those questions—he was very soft-spoken, and I was unable to dictate a word of his conversation—before delivering the next barrage at an even faster rate.
- “Are the vibes ok?”
- “Do I look like my pics?’
- “Guys always think I’m catfishing them.”
- “Do you find me even remotely attractive?”
- “I usually don’t get second dates.”
- “Some men can’t handle a powerful female.”
- “I have a few mental illnesses.”
- “I’m diagnosed ADHD but self-diagnosed as highly autistic.”
- “You seem like you’re probably on the spectrum too.”
- “I’m basically a neurodivergency advocate.”
A self-proclaimed neurodivergency advocate who calls autism and ADHD mental illnesses is the epitome of why I do these series, and in fact, should be the face of the #Overheardonhaywoodroad brand. Until next time 🙂.
AshevilleExplorer 
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