It’s that time again for me to share in my eavesdropping and judging of the Haywood Road hipsters. It’s the first one of 2024!
As usual, I will try—and probably fail—to provide zero context for these earworms.
- “I’ll see you guys later, we’re going to go do some zine workshopping.”
- “Do you have any prehistoric bibles?” Editor’s Note: I almost burst out laughing overhearing this. I think they just got their wording confused?
- “I’ve got part Native American, so I’m spiritual and a nasty drunk.” Editor’s Note: I don’t condone these statements. I just report them (obviously, this was a very white man).
- “These white bitches kept calling me a BIPOC, and I don’t know what the fuck that meant. I had to Google it!” Editor’s Note: This girl seemed legitimately funny.
- “I would love to put a completely natural barrier right on the property line between those two artistically decorative trout.”
- “One time, while biking from Sweden to Amsterdam.” Editor’s Note: I’d bet good money this man says BarTHalona.
- “Can you Venmo dead people?”
- “In the next couple of years, I want my yard to be more holistic. That’s the goal.”
- “I cum so hard to Skrillex.” Editor’s Note: I did L-O-L at this one and had to promptly flee the coffee shop I’d been working at.
- “Living in my car taught me things no college could.” Editor’s Note: I’m not making fun of homeless people here—this gentleman 100% had the vibes of someone who partook in a lot of poverty tourism to make up for a lack of personality.
This series isn’t unnecessarily mean, is it? I’m legitimately trying—trying is the key word here—to be a little less cynical in 2024. I genuinely think it’s a funny, irreverent take on Asheville being a parody of itself. However, if it feels like low-hanging, unnecessarily cruel fruit, I’d love to know; I want this blog to be more holistic than mean.
AshevilleExplorer 
2 Comments