The Sauna House Has Gotten Slightly Less Relaxing, But I’m OK with That

Success Is a Double-Edged Sword Part 1: Riverside Rhapsody Brewing 

My parents were visiting last month, and the Sunday night of their visit, I took them to Riverside Rhapsody Brewing to get some Iron & Oak Brisket BBQ, for my money, the best steal (and taste) in Asheville. Unfortunately, by the time we arrived—which wasn’t late…maybe 6:30?—they were all out of brisket, pulled pork, and ribs. It was fine. My mother and I both got hot dogs (I’ll never get mad at a hot dog dinner), and I was still able to have my parents sample their dill macaroni salad that I’m obsessed with. 

I shouldn’t have been surprised that there was no BBQ left. Anytime I drive by Riverside Rhapsody anymore, it’s packed with cars, and it’s not uncommon to stop there for a little bbq/bluegrass combo on a Friday night and have to listen from inside since there are no free picnic tables outside. Sometimes it’s frustrating, but generally, as a big fan of Riverside Rhapsody—I consider it the hidden gem of Asheville breweries, and as you could probably tell, I am obsessed with their BBQ—I’m happy for its success. 

It’s a weird dance we do, right? Hoping that businesses we love—especially fledgling ones that are often emptyish when we first discover them, like Riverside Rhapsody seemed always to be when I rather was charmed by it back in 2020—do well enough to stay around, but always getting a little disappointed that once said business starts taking off, they gets more crowded, and things change, and maybe some of the things we initially like fade away a bit. AND YET, as a fan and patron—and a non-hipster who has no real qualms with the mainstream or making money—we’re mostly happy that something we love is thriving. 

I’m probably being a bit hyperbolic to make a point. With their success, the beer, food, and music situation at Riverside Rhapsody is progressively getting better and, therefore more enjoyable, and having BBQ get sold out generally is better than a venue wasting food. Sometimes, service and quality do go downhill with success, but that’s not the case with Riverside Rhapsody. But it is changing, and that’s the point I’m trying to make, and something I’ve noticed with admittedly more annoying results at another local business I’m a fan of: The Sauna House. 

Success is a Double-Edged Sword Part 2: The Sauna House 

While I still love and cherish the The Sauna House, it’s not as relaxing as it once was, and I think there’s a definitive correlation between that and its success. Still, I’m OK with that because a Nordic-style bathhouse where phones are not allowed is a niche interest that could’ve easily been one of the many new Asheville businesses tha come and go—I’d rather be slightly less relaxed during my now almost weekly sweats and cold plunges than give them up completely. 

When I first started going to the Sauna House, they limited the intake of people. Part of that was probably Covid, but it could’ve also been them getting their business model down. Part of the reason I initially loved it—aside from the deep relaxation I feel after a session that could only be described as “painkilleresque without taking painkillers”—was that it got a sort of no-nonsense clientele that seemed to understand sauna etiquette in a way many gym-going sauna users don’t, and despite it’s Asheville locale and the general nature of its wellness adjacency, The Sauna House always seemed filled with people more concerned about general relaxation, than any kind of amorphous “benefits.” 

When I first started going to the Sauna House, I felt like I was always the one trying to introduce others to it. Now, I hear people at breweries talking about it, and I have seen several people at my gym wearing Sauna House merchandise. Like Riverside Rhapsody, the Sauna House is doing well, announcing expansion across North Carolina, with planned locations in Charlotte and Durham.

Again, I must stress that I’m happy for The Sauna House. I hope it does well enough that the owners can franchise it and then say, I can eventually go to its Philadelphia location when visiting my siblings. 

Being Influenced Against My Will

And I must stress that I understand that when you expand, you need to up your marketing efforts an, like it or not, these days for anyone even wellness adjacent, that means partnering with very irritating wellness influencers, which in turn attract the kind of people who prioritize the dreaded self-care, consider food allergies badges of honor, and are generally attempting their very hardest to be the kinds of people the White Lotus satiriszes, without realizing that’s not a positive. 

I was in the sauna house recently, and this couple was wearing phallic-looking fleece hats and rubbing each other in a way that was performative, self-satisfied, and uncomfortable—a real fucking trifecta—loudly discussing with one another how journaling every morning is a way to connect with their authentic selves (confession: I Immediately discount anyone who uses the term “authentic self”), clearly wanting to draw others into their web of wellness (and some inevitable MLM/Ponzi scheme) so they could then talk at them about how much more enlightened they are than the general populace. 

My instincts were correct because, soon enough, they were having a very loud discourse with a middle-aged white woman about which “South Asian” chants had the best healing properties. I wish I was making this up and wished I was a better person who could just tune this out and not get annoyed, but I’m not. I don’t know. Color me judgey, but I have a hard time relaxing when hearing people loudly talk about how chanting has scientific healing properties, especially when they are wellness folks I’m 90% sure are also anti-vax. 

ABO: Always Be Optimizing 

Aside from these wellness monsters, the growing popularity has seemingly attracted another type of archetype to the Sauna House: the optimization bro. The optimization bro loves CrossFit. He’ll publicly say he doesn’t like Donald Trump’s rhetoric but will never say whether or not he voted for Donald Trump. He listens to Joe Rogan because he “likes to keep an open mind.” He is in good shape but not the physical specimen he thinks he is. He paints his toenails on account of his open mind but “isn’t into gay shit.” He loves talking business. He loves using buzzwords. He loves convincing himself that being a workaholic is a personality substitute. 

For me, part of unwinding is the ability to not talk about serious things. I don’t want to talk about investments. I don’t want to talk about diets. I definitely don’t want to talk about work, especially after working all day. I’ve taken pains to find friends who’ve never thought to network with a friend and don’t consider all social interactions transactional—the older I get, the more I realize that maybe…that’s the minority, and I’ve just been fortunate? Anyhow, the last time I was at the Sauna House—an afternoon hour session that you could score for just $25.00 before 4:00 PM on weekdays—after a particularly long work day, there were two different pairs of optimization bros going on and on and on about all the moving and shaking and disrupting and robusting they were doing in the workplace. Because there were two pairs of them on sort of different rotations, whether I was in the sauna or the relax area, I got to be blessed with their conversations. 

Optimization Bros: Part 1

Pair one were both in real estate—no disrespect to real estate agents, but I saw a meme the other day that said “those who can’t do, teach, and those who can’t teach, help you find your forever home,” and man did that make me LOL—and they were talking incessantly about guys they knew who were staring their own brokerages and about how much they loved real estate because deep down, they loved helping people (speaking of LOLs). 

Optimization Bros: Part 2

Pair two were the dreaded… entrepreneurs (can we all agree that calling yourself an “entrepreneur” is the worst, superseded only by “serial entrepreneur” or self-appointed “philanthropists”) who, amongst other things, discussed the best coworking spaces in town to network at, the merits of constantly grinding, how Tik Tok is the new LinkedIn, and the one legitimately brought up how being on the “carnivore diet” has made him a “real beast at work.”—neither here nor there, but the carnivorous beast had a tattoo of a tiger clawing it’s way out of his back…on his back. 

Wrapping Up Very Special Thoughts

Because, OK, I am judgey, I cannot relax when I hear people talk ad naseum about work without any sort of self-deprecation or humor, especially when I’m trying to forget that I am not a trust fund kid who has to rise and grind myself to make a buck. 

I didn’t stay the full hour I paid for. I just couldn’t. And yet? I genuinely am happy Sauna House is doing so well, and I am glad to be back to my normal weekly sweat and plunge after being home for the holidays.  

Remember, that multiple things being true at once is essentially this blog’s thesis.