Honestly, while all Mariah Carey wants for Christmas is the cryptic “you,” all I want around the holiday season is to listen to songs like Mariah’s. However, that doesn’t seem to be the consensus around Asheville.
“I fucking hate Mariah Carey,” was how a random drunk woman yelled (albeit, politely) at my friend and I at Cellarest last Sunday when we stopped there for a nightcap after getting dinner at the Golden Pineapple’s Christmas popup. We’d seen this woman and her husband (boyfriend?) earlier that night, pre-dinner at River Arts Brewing, and they asked where we got dinner.
When they inquired about how the Christmas popup was, I lamented the music choices. I said—and I’m paraphrasing here—” I like it, but I wish they had better Christmas music.” When she asked me to define better Christmas music, I said, “Cheesy good stuff, like ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You.’”
You’ve already read her thoughts on that.
The Golden Pineapple’s Christmas “Miracle”—which I learned was a national endeavor—is very cute and fun. I went twice, I think, last year and had a good time. I’m not here to shit on a national endeavor, either. Or the commercialization of Christmas. I love the commercialization of Christmas. In my opinion, the less secular, and the more more-is-more Christmas is, the more fun (see my aforementioned love for “All I Want for Christmas is You,” which I don’t think can be played enough between Thanksgiving and Christmas). While I don’t indulge in any of the specialty Christmas cocktails, I’ll probably be back to it at some point this season because I like having a beer and some wings in the shadow of what I lovingly have referred to several people as “a Christmas nightmare.” I just wish the music wasn’t so…vibey.
The Golden Pineapple was playing what I’m going to refer to as “Christmas muzak,” but what my gut tells me the kids these days call “vibey.” It all had a very LoFi beats quality to it, which would be like, fine, if I were trying to write a blog for my day job (I’m a big fan of working to LoFi beats), but I don’t want a vibey Christmas. I want unbridled joy.
Truthfully, this is an issue I have with Asheville that transcends Christmas. It’s my issue with Asheville’s music in general, similar to how I love folksy music—this year’s Spotify wrapped included Zach Bryan, Tyler Childers, and Caamp in my top ten artists—but for laying on my couch in my apartment or going on drives on the Blue Ridge Parkway. When I’m out, socializing, and having fun…participating in the commercialization of America…I want to hear commercialized pop that dads in 80’s cover bands cover, music that’s fun and dumb and everyone knows the words too.
Asheville has a few more Christmas-themed pop-ups I’d like to check out and a few Christmas Markets I’ve got on my calendar. I hope some of them pick unbridled joy over vibes.
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