Fall Foliage is Beautiful. Leaf Peepers Are Monsters.

This week, Instagram exploded with photos of the upper parkway’s foliage in peak bloom, so I decided to head up to Graveyard Fields on Thursday to experience it since the colors only last a few days. 

Now—credit where credit is due—I knew to avoid the weekend since Western North Carolina’s fall leaves attract the worst of the worst, but I thought I might be safe on a Thursday while those without flexible work hours were still toiling away at the office. Boy, was I wrong. 

It was awful before I even got through the commuter section of the parkway. 

I swear to God, people were fully driving 10-15 mph, sticking their phones out of windows. It’s one thing to drive like an asshole on the more recreational parts of the parkway—still, a complete asshole move, though, my brother and I just spent some time out in Park City, Utah, and went on a fall foliage ride there, and we had the wherewithal to only stop for photos when no one was behind us—it’s another to essentially stop and take photos when people are trying to just get from one place to another. I will say I think the people of Asheville need to step down the southern hospitality, as aggressiveness is the only way these self-centered asshats will learn. I was the only one being generous with my horn and middle finger (I tried playing polite until I caught a Subaru with Georgia plates going EIGHT MILES PER HOUR due to the selfie stick hanging out the passenger seat). 

Somehow, things got worse once I got past Brevard Road and started the real ascent up to Graveyard Fields. Now, people were completely stopping so that wanna-be influencers (to me, a much worse affront than an actual influencer) could run out of the backseat and snap a couple of photos, double-parking on the shoulder and gathering in groups so large at scenic overlooks that these slow, double parked drivers couldn’t get in. It was fucking chaos. The absolute bleakest thing I witnessed was a line of chairs with jackets thrown over them spread out the banks of one entire viewpoint like it was a small town parade. 

Graveyard fields itself was chaos. Cars were parked haphazardly (i.e., half on the road) in clear, no-parking zones. I saw a family unload a cooler and a fucking beach umbrella from their trunk. I had words with the man in front of me when we both pulled into the Graveyard Fields lot as he wanted to know why I’d beeped at him several times (because, sir, you were driving under 15 MPH in a 45 MPT zone). The sky was also overcast, which helped my decision not to exit the car and just head home. 

I wonder if people have always been this self-absorbed or if it is a symptom of our current times. Either way, I hate it. 

Editor’s Note: The photos accompanying this blog were taken on the aforementioned trip to Utah since my sanity wouldn’t allow me to snap any on this week’s parkway misadventure.