At this point, I should list “coffee shop eavesdropping” as one of my top hobbies whenever anyone asks. It’s just that in Asheville, specifically, it’s so easy and so good, and you don’t even have to be, like, intentional behind it. Sometimes the best stuff happens right in front of your face.
A few weeks ago, I was at one of my two favorite coffee shops, sitting directly behind two men participating in a Tarot card reading.
The man I presumed to be getting the reading was telling the other man about his intentions for the year. One of the top ones? For people to stop mistaking him as a bona fide heartthrob.
“I just want to dispel the false narrative that I’m a fuck boi who sleeps with everyone’s girlfriend,” he said without a trace of irony. Editor’s Note: I’m spelling boi, b-o-i here because in my soul, I know that’s what he’d want. “I’m just a really good guy that women feel comfortable with, and then the lines get blurry.”
It was the guy version of the girl who gets along better with guys! Also, big “nice guy” vibes. And as much as I’d love to be non-judgmental and body positive, aesthetically, this guy was not someone I’d see without context and think, “that’s a man who’s always stealing wives and girlfriends.” Honestly, sometimes I aspire to go through the world with the amount of self-delusion some of these people have. I think things would be easier.
Then, it got loud and I couldn’t eavesdrop to the best of my ability, but when it died down again, he was still on this kick. “Asheville’s a small town,” he told the other guy. “And I’m starting to get this reputation as a player. Guys have told me they don’t trust me around their girlfriends.”
I thought then that maybe he’d ask what the cards said, if he’d ever get over this Romeo-like infliction, but here was where the real plot twist happened. He was the one doing the reading. The other guy actively sought him out and ostensibly paid him—they didn’t give a favor-to-a-friend vibe; when they left, the customer told the other it was great to meet him and thanked him for the service. Imagine paying someone to guide your future, only to spend most of the time listening to their delusional woes? This is why AI will never replace people in content and storytelling. It couldn’t generate this on its own.
Anyway, while this could’ve been a post all its own, today it’s serving as the introduction to my eighth version of Overheard on Haywood Road, my series celebrating the ridiculousness of Asheville that’s all around you, particularly if you’re just paying a modicum of attention, and even more particularly, if you are on West Asheville’s Haywood Road, what I’ve dubbed the epicenter of hipster nonsense in a town essentially known for just that.
Below, you’ll find some other snippets I’ve overheard in the bars, coffeeshops, and streets of Asheville’s hipster mecca over just the past month.
- “We must ask ourselves what Gandhi would do.” Editor’s Note: I legit LOLed when I heard this.
- “I have three therapists I see four times a week.” Editor’s Note: While I’m a big believer in more people being in therapy, I’m also a big believer that some people spend too much time thinking about only themselves.
- “My boyfriend is currently living in a van.” Editor’s Note: It’s wild how much you hear versions of this one. So many boyfriends in so many recreational vehicles.
- “That’s when we were both dating that potter.”
- “Fiction just feels so shallow and indulgent right now.” Editor’s Note: Is this the new “I don’t own a TV?”
- “I struggle with him or they constantly.” Editor’s Note: I’m a big believer in people using whatever pronouns they like. I also think some Ashevillians who don’t really struggle with it like pretending to struggle with it because that’s somewhat more interesting than being a trust fund kid pretending to be a struggling poet.
- “I can tell if it’s not ceremonial right away.” Editor’s Note: They were talking about Matcha.
- “It didn’t cover the full queer experience. That was disappointing.” Editor’s Note: This was from a woman discussing Heated Rivalry, and I feel comfortable saying that a show about the experience of gay men maybe isn’t hers to critique—she was giving the same energy as a former coworker who was married to a man, told me she’d never been with a woman in any capacity, but identified as queer and was the one to start an LGBTQ support group at that job…
- “I wonder if this is vegan?” Editor’s Note: This was about a bacon-and-egg breakfast sandwich that isn’t advertised as vegan. After it had been ordered…
- “Where do you most often stargaze?”
AshevilleExplorer 