#Blessed

A few weeks ago, a man sitting next to me at my favorite coffee shop sneezed loudly. 

I said, “Bless you.” Honestly, most of the time when people sneeze and I don’t know them, I don’t say anything, but this just came out. Muscle memory and everything. 

He rolled his eyes, but didn’t look my way. “Great,” he said. “Make it religious.” 

“Sorry, I’m so problematic,” I said. That just came out, too. He rolled his eyes again. 

I texted this little anecdote to several friends, sharing it with those who live here in Asheville, saying it was “peak Asheville being a complete parody of itself.” Several friends—local and not—wanted to know what he looked like. I asked them to guess. Four out of five friends got it almost exactly right. 

“Thin white man. Scruff beard, beanie with long hair. Handmade sweater, but wearing expensive shoes like Blundstones or similar. Dirt under his fingernails” is one almost exact guess. He didn’t have dirt under his fingernails. They were painted a vibrant sapphire blue. He did indeed have Blundstones. Very lived in Blundstones. And both his sweater and beanie were appropriately frayed and worn. He also had a Howler Brothers quilted jacket, because of course he did, which seems to retail for $250.00. I bet he tells people he thrifted it. I also bet he considers himself an anti-capitalist and works in tech. Or he’s a misogynistic male feminist. Or a vegan who owns leather bags. I could go…

Just to make sure I wasn’t the asshole here, I did some light Googling when I got home. 

Ask a Manager, in a post from 2012, wrote, “You have to be really picky to be offended by someone saying ‘bless you’ after a sneeze. It’s a polite social convention—not you literally bestowing them with a blessing from God. For most people, it’s a reflex and one based in good intent.”

I kind of wish I had genuflected and crossed myself when I got up to leave. I also guarantee that this guy spent all of his post-Helene time here in town lecturing people about the difference between corporate donations and mutual aid, but from an Airbnb in Savannah where he didn’t participate in either. 

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.