“Overheard on Haywood Road” was essentially started to celebrate hipster nonsense, lightly poke fun at a certain type of self-serious Ashevillian who doesn’t realize their uniqueness is actually stereotype fodder, and dissect—from a safe distance (aka hidden behind a computer screen)—what the kids these days refer to as “main character energy.” While there’s often something very universally awful about many of the folks I observe, there’s also something not only uniquely Asheville, but specifically unique to West Asheville, and the eponymous thoroughfare that gives this series its title. I try my best to explain it, but I think anyone who’s spent time on Haywood Road knows exactly who I’m talking about.
That all said, I’m currently writing this specific missive from my parents’ living room in Browndale, Pennsylvania, 600 and some miles from West Asheville (fun fact: it’s exactly 666 miles from my parents’ address to Battlecat…), recounting a conversation I heard yesterday in a local Starbucks, which wasn’t overheard on Hawyood Road, but absolutely should have been.
What also makes this version of Overheard of Haywood Road unique, is that it’s not a collection of snippets I’ve heard over the course of a few weeks or months, but one conversation from one person, in this case, an unseen woman I feel we all know a version of, who didn’t talk with her coffee date (also mostly unseen, but from what I could gather he was a he, and both were white, middle-class—I know both of those descriptors must come as a shock—and probaby mid-30s, although it’s becoming harder and harder for me to discern peoples’ ages), but at him.
Here, presented as much as possible without context, are 10 things this woman said, which, while overheard at Dickson City, Pennsylvania Starbucks, 100% should have been overheard somewhere cozy and hipster on Haywood Road.
- As an empath, you know that’s super triggering for me. Editor’s Note: This is how she started their conversation.
- People say I’m the most pragmatic person they’ve ever met. Editor’s Note: I didn’t write all of them down, but she had a lot of praise for herself.
- I’m such a girl’s girl, and that threatens other women. Editor’s Note: The “girl’s girl” is just the girl who gets along better with guys rebranded, right?
- Sometimes I have a hard time connecting with other women. Guys, just get me more. Editor’s Note: I wrote that last editor’s note before I heard this, but truly, awful people specifically are so, so very predictable.
- Sometimes I think other girls just know I’m more evolved than they are. Editor’s Note: I’m truly shocked she never uttered the phrase “women supporting women.”
- My social skills are unparalleled.
- I’m just so sick of always being the bigger person.
- I just think I give too much.
- I’m tired of always giving and never getting. Editor’s Note: She stayed with this theme for a long time.
- If she’s not going to show interest, I’m going to pursue him. I think that’s fair. Editor’s Note: I coudln’t have written a better line to end on. This IS the definition of a girl’s girl.
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