Overheard on Haywood Road: Part 2

Welcome to the second installment of “Overheard on Haywood Road,” my irregular blog series I’ll publish anytime I overhear enough wacky bon mots from the super deep (maaaaaaan) residents and visitors of West Asheville that bear sharing. Click here to read Part 1 and learn what makes Haywood Road unique. 

When I initially conceptualized this concept, I told myself I’d wait till I had at least ten more entries to publish, but I just couldn’t wait. This content is too good. 

Here’s what the people of West Asheville have been up to this spring, presented, typically, of course, with as little context as possible (though I’ll deign to add some key observational facts when it paints a fuller picture). 

• “That’s when I decided to take up keytar.” Editor’s Note: This was said by someone who absolutely wants to make “taking up keytar” their personality. 
• “I write short stories for bagels.”
• “I got Salinger on my wrist, so people think I’m related to the real J.R. Salinger.”Editor’s Note: This woman was talking about a tattoo and spoke in a voice that can only be described as someone doing a parody of Vanessa Bayer’s SNL Miley Cyrus parody. Also, yes, for those wondering, she did indeed say J.R. Salinger—that’s not a typo. And, it’s J.D. Salinger, famous for writing The Cather in the Rye, for the uncultured (although, 100% transparency: I had to Google “What did J.D. Salinger write” because I was blanking on Cather in the Rye—that literature degree I have seems to really have paid off). 
• “Is the beef taco like, real beef?”
• Speaker 1: “There’s this guy in South Carolina who got two life sentences for allegedly killing his wife and son to cover up some crimes, and that’s just another example of our justice system overstepping.” Speaker 2: “Two life sentences isn’t even possible. “Editor’s Note: This was immediately after the Murdaugh trial, which I assume they’re talking about. 
• “I haven’t listened to Celine Dion since she went corporate.” Editor’s Note: Celine Dion has 100% has been corporate since this particular girl has been alive, which is 100% after the release of Titanic. 

Until next time, stay weird, West Asheville…and curate the shit out of that weirdness until you can commodify it as an anti-establishment influencer who only uses social media because you don’t hate the player, just hate the game.